The Instagram Effect

While I was building this hub that is my author website, I took into consideration that I should also have a semi-professional, mainly literary Facebook, Twitter, and Goodreads presence. I would have also created a SnapChat, Tumblr, Readit, Gotchya, Hooli, and WiggleWaggle if I knew what any of those were. But I’m older than a hound puppy’s tooth and I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I have a vague notion that SnapChat allows people to use the U.S. Postal Service (shout out) to mail each other polaroid pictures of themselves snapping their fingers along to the groovy tunes of Fats Wallaby and/or The Electric Juicer Experience featuring JoJo. But when it comes to these and other areas of the Internets where the kids like to boogaloo, meh. I’m good. I’ll be over here.

However . . .

Someone recently informed me that Instagram is the world’s most popular social media outlet. Do I believe them? I dunno. It sounds like it could be legit. It’s like when you first hear that Neil Armstrong once got a hole in one at Augusta. Yeah, OK. I could buy that. Why would anyone lie about a national hero’s athletic ability? In the same regard, sure, there’s no better social media platform than Instagram. Sure sure sure.

Damnit! I Googled it and it is so not true. Spoiler/Shocker alert: Across the board, Facebook wins. Yawn. All right so now I am going to have to reorganize my thinking.

Why Indie Authors Should Be On Instagram

Bullet Point #1 - Zoom!

Instagram is the world’s fastest growing social media platform. Guys! This is totally true! I looked it up! Maybe that’s what the dude told me. I guess what it means is that when Facebook crashes and burns, Instagram will be there to urinate on the ashes. Well that’s a spot on lovely visual. Make no mention of the unfortunate fact that Facebook actually owns Instagram. That doesn’t matter. You can and should have as many places potential readers can find you. So just do it before the Instagram bandwagon passes us all by.

Bullet Point #2 - Piece of Cake

It is now easier than ever to be an Instagrammer. And let’s face it, “Instagram is the perfect place for pictures.” Boom. Slogan made. Pay up, Instagram! I’ll let you have it for fifty million ca-chingas.

We all have smart phones right? Well guess what? There’s a photo app on your smart phone! That’s right! You can go ahead and give your digital cameras to the homeless cuz you’re living for today! Whether you have an Android or a Macintosh 4.0 telephone in your pocket, take it out right now and go to your app store. Search for “pictures I can take with my phone that I have.” The cheapest app out there (as of this writing) is called, TAKE THIS! It’s an aggressive, “zoom first, captcha second” front-facing camera app for your smartypants phone. It costs only $99 but if you enter the code “MarcusFox” at checkout, you can get it for $98.50. And speaking of checkout… Check this out!

IMG_5445.jpeg

Holy bananas!

That is an honest to God picture I just took with my Macintosh 4.0 smartypants phone using the Take This app. It’s a picture of the soft serve peanut butter swirl ice cream with peanut butter cups I just ate. (Yeah, I have a bit of a peanut butter problem but that’s a topic of discussion for another time.) Right now, I’m going to take that extraordinary photograph and somehow import it or upload it to the Instagram cloud!

Oh shoot! (<—Scrumptious photography pun.) I don’t have an Instagram cloud! I must remedy that! But first I must wrap up this bullet point number two and move on to the third and final bullet point. The main thesis of this point is that every author must have an Instagram cloud account so that they can blast out photographic pictures of their recently eaten ice cream cups. Wrap up of bullet point number two is now complete!

Bullet Point #3 - Life Is Short

Someday soon, the Earth is going to crash into the sun. It’s been proven. Ask your local scientist. It’s only a matter of when. Before that end-time comes, don’t you want to be able to say that you lived life to the fullest? That you took every opportunity that came your way? That you were the absolute best author you could be? If the answer to all these questions is “Yeah, I guess,” then buckle up, fellow writer, you’re about to get on the Instagram train with me! All aboard!

I’m Signing Up! Holla!

I did it! And it was so easy, you guys, omigosh! Hey, ignore all the text I just spouted at you above and please give me your entire focus and concentration. I’m about to throw a wild fast ball at your head and I don’t want it to miss you. Here goes…

My BRAND NEW Instagram Cloud account is

Wait, where the heck is it? Damnit, I had it just a second ago. Hold on. … Nope. That’s not it. … I have no idea what that is. … OK, here we go. Sorry.

bryoncahill_author

Did it work? Did you click it? Are you in my cloud now? Is it awesome? Are you OK?

Well I hope everything is copacetic and things are light and fluffy for you up there. That was fun. I feel like we created something together, you and me. Feel free to enjoy that photo of the ice cream cup that held my aforementioned ice cream for as long as you like.

I should mention that I did write this bloggy in the past. In my world, it’s the previous Saturday, April 6. Who knows how many Instagram pictures I’ve publicly displayed in my Instagram cloud between today and this upcoming Thursday, April 11? For all I know, you may be looking at a polymorphic sunset I captured, or a cute little three legged cockroach? The possibilities are so endless, I might just die.

I love you, picture people! See you in the photo papers!