How To Murder Coronavirus — Social Distancing Like A Boss
Hello World,
How are you? I hear you’re having some difficulties as of late. As much as I would love to be of service, I’m just as sequestered as you. Perhaps more than some, perhaps less than others. My situation is unique in that it is mine. Just as yours is yours, we are all in this together, somehow.
I’m doing my part as best that I can. I haven’t left our street since I got a haircut on March 13. Even then I was thinking that being out and about was wrong. But today, I see pictures of California beaches with swarms of people. Maybe they are trying to be safe and practicing social distancing. I suppose it is possible to go to a beach and not be within six feet of another person. For a while, anyway. I’m not here to judge but probably don’t do that. Maybe I am here to judge.
My wife works in a hospital so she has to go out and do her job. We’ve also decided that she be the one to get groceries when needed and run any other errand we may have. But probably 95 percent of her outings (besides work) are just groceries. I’m nervous about what she might be exposed to in the coming weeks, if she hasn’t been already. I’m nervous for our children and to a much lesser extent, myself. But we’re doing the best that we can and we haven’t killed each other yet so that’s a feather in my cap, for sure.
The Kids Update No One Asked For
I’ve taken it upon myself (with the help of my multi-talented rock of a wife, of course) to use this time to potty train the boy. If today is Monday (and I have no reason to believe it is not), then this is probably Day 4 or 4.5 of the supposed three-day potty training method. The three-day potty training method, for those who may or may not know is basically where the kid runs around naked, has accidents and tantrums, drives his sister crazy, and hopefully amidst all that, learns to use the potty. I think it’s going pretty well. He’s started running to the bathroom with me when he has to pee. He sits down and lets it go almost immediately. Pooping is a different story, perhaps for some other time, perhaps never. We’ve all got enough going on right now that you don’t have to hear about our particular defecation woes. Just use your imagination. Or don’t. Maybe better if you don’t.
The girl is sick today, too. She has a fever and diarrhea. Sorry. More pooping. But this is reality over here right now so yeah, it’s what’s happening. Tylenol and Motrin, as always, are wonder drugs. I highly recommend them both if you haven’t heard of them. You can find that at your local apocalypse-cary. See what I did there? Instead of apothecary, I made light of our global pandemic. It’s not funny or cute. So just look away.
The baby is eating solid foods and loving life. He’s starting to really move around by rolling and scooching his body all over the floor. He’s not quite crawling yet at 7 and a half months, but I’m sure that’s coming sooner rather than later.
When it doesn’t rain (not today), we go out and play in the backyard or go for a walk on our half-mile-long street. The girl is getting good at riding her tricycle and she looks super cute doing it. She also loves to play this Disney Princess Matching game we got her. And she beats me probably more times than she doesn’t because she’s young and I am old and my memory is, um. I had a memory joke to put here but I’ve forgotten where I put it. Oh, there it is.
What’s Writing?
This will mark the first month since last May where I will NOT be posting a detailed plot summary/amateur analysis of one of William Shakespeare’s plays. Early this month, I started reading Henry The Sixth Part One, as was according to the schedule. I’m for sure bummed that I’ve skipped a month in my project, but when this whole Covid-19 thing happened it absorbed all of our attention. So that’s one excuse. Another pretty decent excuse I’m holding on to for dear life is that I’m currently in the throes of writing an epic (for me anyway) Young Adult series. More on that to come in the months ahead.
I hope to get back to Henry The Sixth Part One in April. As it is, it’s already a 39-month project (being that Shakespeare had 39 plays). So now I guess it will be a 40+ month project. That’s all. Unless of course I use my newfound productivity in the young adult space to curtail my Shakespeare work indefinitely. Who knows what will happen? We can’t even look past two weeks in our current climate. It’s probably best to just accept who you are and the good work you are doing and forget the rest, right? For what better time to love yourself than now?
In short, whatever situation you’re living right now, I hope you and your family are safe and healthy. I hope that you and your family are keeping others safe and healthy by doing the best that you can to take this thing seriously. Stay home. Be good. And for the love of Daddy, please don’t poop on the floor.
