The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark — Act I

Pay no attention to the cow in the corner.

Moo?

Hey you guys! It’s Hamlet time! Time to read what is generally considered to be the greatest play of all time. Are you excited? You’d better be. Because I’m not doing this just for my health, you know. Although, truth be known, a regular diet of Shakespeare is both healthy and sexy.

Enough prelude! Here we go.

Act I

Scene i

Elsinore. A platform before the castle.

What comes after the castle then? Ba dum chh!

Bernardo arrives to relieve Francisco of his post when Horatio and Marcellus enter. Francisco says goodnight and takes off. It seems a little silly for him to have been in this scene at all, but I guess we needed to establish the changing of the guard for some reason.

Marcellus asks if the apparition has appeared again tonight and Bernardo says no. Horatio is a Doubting Thomas; he doesn’t believe they’ve seen a ghost in the courtyard. Not for a second. But he’s come along to make fun of them. Because, friends.

Bernardo begins the retelling of the ghost story. They’ve seen it these past two nights. Just as he launches into his tale, the ghost appears at the strike of one. The specter is in resemblance to “the king that’s dead.”

Horatio sees! Horatio believes and Horatio fears and Horatio speaks to it. But the ghost is spooked (irony!) and floats away.

The three men talk more about the meaning of the ghost. None of them can figure it out but Horatio tells (for exposition’s sake, really) that Hamlet (first mention!) recently slayed Fortinbras of Norway. I’m not sure what that has to do with the price of eggs in Gloucester, but it seems to be of some import and I’m probably a dolt for not seeing it. There’s something about an inheritance here. Do Fortinbras’ lands go to Hamlet? That can’t be right.

HORATIO

Now, sir, young Fortinbras,
Of unimproved mettle hot and full,
Hath in the skirts of Norway here and there
Shark’d up a list of lawless resolutes,
For food and diet, to some enterprise
That hath a stomach in’t; which is no other—
As it doth well appear unto our state—
But to recover of us, by strong hand
And terms compulsatory, those foresaid lands
So by his father lost: and this, I take it,
Is the main motive for our preparations
The source of this our watch and chief head
Of this post-haste and romage of the land

I’m taking from this that Horatio believes that when the King died, Hamlet went and took back lands the King had lost to Fortinbras. And in doing so, he killed Fortinbras. And now, these men are guarding the palace in case Fortinbras’ surviving men (army?) might come for revenge.

Surely that’s all wrong but I can’t spend any more time on it. Hopefully more will be revealed on this matter soon.

The King’s ghost, having been scared away, returns. Horatio, Bernardo, and Marcellus beg the ghost to speak, but it won’t.

A cock crows and the ghost is spooked and goes away again. For a ghost, he’s not very sure of himself.

Horatio says they should get Hamlet to come and talk to his father, the king (ghost). Maybe then it will speak.

Scene ii

A room of state in the castle. Possibly Pennsylvania.

King Claudius gives a speech about his dear departed brother, weaving in more confusing (to me) information about Fortinbras. Claudius is sending two chaps called Voltimand and Cornelius to Norway to handle this land dispute. Maybe while they’re there they can figure all this out for me.

The new King Claudius turns to Laertes and asks what he can do for him. Laertes calls Claudius “My dread Lord,” which must have meant something more positive than it does today, otherwise the King didn’t catch it, or perhaps it’s a typo for “dear” in my book. At any rate, Laertes just wants to go home to France, now that the King’s coronation is through.

Claudius consults Laertes’s father, Polonius, who approves of it, and then the king grants the kid’s wish. Fly, Laertes, fly.

Claudius addresses Hamlet!

Ohhhh Hamlet! What do you think of your uncle here? He’s a pretty cool customer, yah?

[Aside] A little more than kin, and less than kind.

Alrighty then!

The King and Queen (yeah she’s here too and her name is Gertrude) mourn-shame Hamlet. His dead father is probably not even cold yet in the ground, but poor young Hamlet is expected to pick his chin up and stop feeling. It’s embarrassing and unmanly, Claudius says. Every man who has ever lived has lost his father to death. Such is life. Carry on.

Gertrude (who I’m 65 percent sure is Hamlet’s actual mother. Did she marry Claudius after her husband died? Is that how things work in Denmark?) heartily agrees with this Tough (with a capital T) love approach. Then the two of them switch tactics and tell young Hamlet they hope he will remain with them in Denmark instead of going to bloody Wittenberg. Hamlet says “Sure, sure. As you wish.” And his aunt and uncle exit.

Here comes our first Hamlet soliloquy ya’ll! Omigosh I’m so excited!! Pinch me!!

Frailty, thy name is woman!

Dude, Hamlet is so intense. He’s the original brooder! Here, with the stage to himself, he curses his mother (Queen Gertrude) for marrying his Uncle one month after his father’s death. So I was right. I’d give myself some Shakespeare points if I hadn’t read and studied Hamlet before. But I have. And even though it was a long, long time ago, I no doubt retained that crucial plot point.

Horatio, Marcellus, and Bernardo enter. They convince Hamlet, rather easily, that his father’s ghost has passed by their watch for the past three nights. Hamlet asks some rapid fire questions, the likes of which you don’t often see in Shakespeare, and he seems convinced enough to at least check it out, to see what all the hubbub is about.

I doubt some foul play: would the night were come!
Till then sit still, my soul: foul deeds will rise,
Through all the earth o’erwhelm them, to men’s eyes.

Scene iii

A room in Polonius’ house.

Laertes is giving his sister Ophelia a crash course on love. He tells her that though Hamlet may say he loves her now, his fancy will turn sooner or later. That’s cool, bro. Way to support your sister. Can’t you just let her be happy?

Polonius enters and father and son have that awkward thing where it’s like, “Oh, we already said goodbye to each other. Yet here we are again. Ummm. So I guess, bye again, son.” Except of course, they say it a lot fancier.

Polonius imparts some advice for his son, two pieces of which, unbeknownst to either of them, becomes LITERARY LEGEND.

Polonius tells Laertes “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.” You’ve heard this before but have you ever given thought to where it comes from or what it means? Well now you know the former, and the meaning is this: Keep your hands in your pockets.

Polonius’ second piece of advice is so canon it’s booming!

This above all: to thine own self be true.

Holla! Seriously now is there a better pear of wisdom to be had? I don’t see “Don’t take any wooden nickels” tipping the charts any time soon. Although if you did, you’d be ignoring Polonius’ first advice.

Laertes takes his leave (most humbly) and now father and daughter will speak. But first Laertes reminds Ophelia to heed what he said. She says she will and Laertes, at last, exits.

But he pops his head back in again and says “Just kidding, guys. Hey, did you miss me, though? Ok, I’m a really gonna jet now.”

Just kidding, guys. Laertes is out. But I’ll bet we’ll see him again before the battle’s lost and won.

Polonius asks Ophelia what’s up with her brother? What advice did he give her? Ophelia (having literally just promised Laertes she wouldn’t divulge it to anyone) spills to Big Daddy P that they were speaking of Hamlet. That he has made it quite known to her that he loves her. Polonius says “No no no! This cannot be! Hamlet is a young boy who will deflower you, surely. I forbid you to see him!”

And Ophelia’s all like, “OK. I love you, Daddy.”

Scene iv

The platform.

Hamlet joins Horatio and Marcellus at the watch. The clock strikes midnight but Hamlet doesn’t hear it. Weird. Maybe he’s so intent on looking for his dead father that he’s gone deaf to the tolling of the bells?

Trumpets blare in the distance as part of some kingly tradition that Hamlet says was more of a thing that was done in battle, not in castle. But Claudius is an oaf king, says Hamlet. He’s trying to pretend he’s as much a king as a real one. But he’s so not.

The ghost enters. Hamlet begs it to explain itself. Why has his dead father returned in such a form? What would the ghost want of them?

The ghost beckons for Hamlet to join him alone, like, over there somewhere. Horatio and Marcellus advise strongly against it, for the ghost may want to do Hamlet physical harm, kill him, or drive him mad!

Ahhhh.

Interjection

Much has been made of whether Hamlet himself is cuckoo or sane. He’s seeing a ghost, sure. So some would say that puts him in column A. But his friends see the ghost, too. So that argues Hamlet is in his right head. However, if (and when) he decides to go off alone with his father’s ghost, I suppose all bets are off, concerning his mental well-being. I mean, if Horatio claims a ghost can drive a person loony, just by talking to him alone, you gotta believe it’s true. Right?

Let’s get back at it…

Scene iv (continued)

Horatio and Marcellus physically restrain Hamlet from leaving but he cries out,

Unhand me, gentlemen.
By heaven, I’ll make a ghost of him that lets me!

Ah ah ahhh! That’s some juicy Shakespearean punnage right there, friends.

The gentlemen releases him and Hamlet walks off with his dead father to learn some things about stuff.

Horatio, God bless him, says, “He waxes desperate with imagination.” And here I have to pause again because I feel like Horatio is assigning insanity to fair Hamlet before he’s had a chance to prove it! Why is that, Horatio? Is it insane to go off alone with the ghost of your father? Maybe. But he doesn’t seem menacing in death. I’d probably go with him, too. Just saying.

And speaking of just saying, Marcellus quipps off the cuff, “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.” And generations upon generations that follow will quote him for all eternity!

God, what a play.

Scene v

Another part of the platform.

Hamlet’s father’s ghost needles a great deal of information in his ear. He tells his son he was murdered! Murdered in the ear by poison! Most foul! And not only that but he also names his killer: it is none other than Claudius. The very snake who stole his crown and bedded and wedded his wife. His own brother! He poisoned him unto death!

The ghost tells Hamlet not to harbor ill thoughts against his mother. She had nothing to do with the plot and is innocent. Except, you know, she did jump right in the sack with Claudius right after her husband died. But that might have been some kind of weird tradition back then in Denmark. At the very least, it doesn’t seem that it was frowned upon.

The ghost’s time is up. The cock crows and the sun is right around the corner. He says he must go off to the great beyond, wherever that is. Now that he’s said his peace, he knows Hamlet will avenge his death.

So boom. The gauntlet is thrown.

Alone for a minute, Hamlet vows to remember his father’s ghost. Yet he immediately curses his mother, calling her a “most pernicious woman! O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!” So I guess maybe he doesn’t take that part of the ghost’s request seriously.

Marcellus and Horatio appear.

Hamlet gets them to swear they will not reveal or repeat what they witnessed here tonight. They swear it.

Horatio still can’t believe it and Hamlet says,

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

I’ve always loved that line.

Hamlet’s gonna make things right! Well, as right as they can be anyway. After all, King Dad’s still dead.

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