The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark — Act II

Act II

A room in Polonius’ house. Probably not the bathroom. Ahh, methinks I’ve used this lame joke before! Well, at least it won’t be the last time. Ever.

Polonius is speaking with Reynaldo. Reynaldo (I think) is Polonius’ son. Or at least, he calls him such. But that might just be an honorary term Polonius bestows upon Reynaldo for carrying out his dirty work. Because as we learned before, Laertes is Polonius’ son, and Ophelia is his daughter. And everyone knows you can’t have two sons AND a daughter! That’s preposterous!

Anyway, Polonius wants Reynaldo (blood brother to Laertes and Ophelia or not) to spy on and talk trash about Hamlet.

Although… I don’t think Polonius ever speaks Hamlet’s name here. It’s just kind of understood between them that that’s who he’s talking about. Or, of course, as always, I could be reading it all wrong. But who else but Hamlet, the guy his only daughter (unless Reynaldo is female?? Kidding, calm down) is enamored with, would Polonius want all society to see as a bumbling drunkard and rascal?

Reynaldo takes the cheese and runs off to make a good man look bad.

Ophelia enters. She reports to her father that she just came from her room. She was sewing when Hamlet burst in, all mad and afoul with disheveled, soiled clothes, grabbed her by the hand and stabbed her with his crazy eyes.

Polonius is aghast. “Was he mad for your love?” He asks. Ophelia claims she doesn’t know. She got outta there lickety split before she could find out. “I did good, Daddy! Just like you obeyed me to do!” she says, but better.

Polonius says they should go to the king with this info immediately. Cuz Hamlet done gone cray cray. And Polonius fears the straw that broke the loony bird’s back was Ophelia, holding back her love for him. So that bit of parental guidance backfired.

Scene ii

A room in the castle.

The fun-loving duo of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet with King Claudius and Queen Gertrude. They are old pals of Hamlet’s, summoned to the castle to try and cheer him up. Because the word on the street is, Hamlet’s kind of a bummer to be around and he needs to get over it already. Also, he’s starting to talk crazy talk and seeing ghosts and junk. Not good.

His dad’s been dead a whole month now! Get off your sad horse, guy!

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are happy to bend over backwards for the King and Queen. More importantly, they are good friends to Hamlet and they want to help. So that’s nice.

Polonius enters and tells the King and Queen that he may know why Hamlet is acting so kooky dooks. But first let’s bring in this ambassador from Norway!

Seriously, this is what happens. Polonius teases his inside info and then presents some Norwegian dude. But it’s cool. Let’s see what Norway has to say.

BORING! I’m not even going to bother with this. It’s detailed politics or something, I dunno. Who cares. If it’s important, I’ll eat my hat later on.

Spoiler: I don’t wear a hat.

Polonius continues his thread and gets right to the point, because, as he says now,

Brevity is the soul of wit,
And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,
I will be brief: your noble son is mad

Yeah he is!

But is he?

Polonius reads a letter Hamlet wrote to Ophelia. I won’t quote it here because it’s a jerk move for Polonius to share the private contents of Hamlet’s love letter to his daughter. And to share it with that Hamlet’s mother and Imposter King Uncle. I don’t care what century you’re in, Polonius. Not cool. Let the young lovers love.

He (Polonius) believes that love has driven Hamlet mad. He reports that he has seen Hamlet treading the halls, sometimes for four hour stretches, which makes one think Polonius himself has way too much time on his hands.

Polonius suggests that during one of these long walking stretches, they should unleash Ophelia on him, hide, and watch what happens. The King and Queen think this is the best plan since sliced bread and they don’t even have sliced bread! So wowie zowie!

But here comes Hamlet now, reading.

The King and Queen exit, leaving Polonius to investigate their son further.

Hamlet says he knows Polonius. He calls him a fishmonger. He’s mad! No. I just think he’s having some fun with the old man. I think he knows who he is (Ophelia’s father).

Polonius asks him what he’s reading.

Words, words, words.

Preach. I love how this version of Hamlet is already a nihilistic existentialist.

He goes on to say he’s reading about old men and how they do this and that. Astute. Polonius recognizes and asides:

“Though this be madness, there is method in ‘t.”

Holla! What’s that? Like the fifth super quotable quote thus far? Baller.

Polonius takes his leave and under his breath, Hamlet calls him an old fool.

Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

Hamlet is pleased to see his old friends and asks why they have come back to Denmark. For, as he calls it, Denmark is a prison.

Hamlet says he has been having bad dreams but “A dream itself is but a shadow.” Yah it is!

He guesses correctly that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have come to court, on the bidding of the King and Queen, to try and cheer him up. But he says he needs no such cheer because he is just a manner of man. And then he gives a lovely soliloquy about the very nature of man. It is as genius as it is off the cuff.

What a piece of work is man! how noble In reason!
how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how
express and admirable! in action he like an angel!
in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the
world! the paragon of animals!

Hamlet next learns there is a traveling theatrical troupe in the court. Cool beans.

Hamlet reassures his friends that they are welcome and can stay as long as they like. But that they needn’t worry about the King and his mother. For they are deceived.

I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is
southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.

So I guess this analysis has just degraded to quoting ALL of Hamlet because clearly, it’s all gold.

Polonius renters with news that a theatrical troupe has arrived and Hamlet is all like, “Yeah, duh, we already knew that.”

Four or five “players” enter. Hamlet asks them to give a speech. How about the one that goes like this? … And then Hamlet delivers a superb performance of some bloody play that may or may not be (probably is) Shakespeare’s own invention.

I love this. Hamlet asking the players to do this scene he himself is doing so incredibly well. It’s nothing short of genius and I’m not overselling it.

One player takes up the mantle and continues the speech. He does a fine job but the whole time I’m wishing it were still Hamlet delivering it. It’s the same speech! And I’m reading it on the page! It should have the same effect as the first part that Hamlet read, but it doesn’t because I was imagining him saying it with so much more passion and intense inflection.

At any rate, Lord Polonius jumps in and says, quite sophomoric, “This is too long.” Really, Polonius, is it? And yet I wonder if his trite comment is Shakespeare delivering a self-analyzing jab at his own work? Ha. Interesting, if so. It gives those four words more layers than they probably deserve, but I’ll ride that wave.

The player finishes and Polonius escorts the others away. Hamlet asks the player who delivered the speech if they can do the play Murder of Gonzago tomorrow night, and if so, can they add some 16 or so lines that Hamlet will write himself. “No problem!” the player says. And so that’s that.

Hamlet, now alone on stage in his element once more, delivers an angry soliloquy damning the King and conceiving of a plot to catch him for the murder of his father. He will write a scene much the likes of which were the same as his own father’s murder. And while the players are acting it out, Hamlet will carefully study the king. He will reveal himself as his father’s Murderer. And Hamlet will have his answer.

Although really, I think he already does. As much as I love the conceit of this play within a play within a play idea, it’s not exactly necessary. Hamlet’s already tried the king in his mind and convicted him. I’m not sure what other proof he wants. Is the word of his Ghost Dad not enough? Guess not.

Of course I don’t want that to take away from the sheer awesomeness of this plot. Because I’m all about it and let us not forget:

The play’s the thing
Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the king.

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