The Tragedy Of Hamlet, Prince Of Denmark — Act IV
Act IV
The goose is out of its gander! Is that the phrase? I don’t think that’s the phrase.
Hamlet’s dirty deed does not remain between he and his Mum for long. Gertrude has run to King Claudius and spilled the beans: Hamlet killed Polonius in cold-blooded, madcap lunacy.
Where is Hamlet now? Claudius wants to know. He sends Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to find the murderer. The King also reassures Gertrude that he will send her son away. I guess this is the King’s justice and it’s far preferable to imposing death on his nephew. But, if they truly think he is mad, what is a little distance going to do for him? Nothing good, I’m sure!
Scene ii
Hamlet believes he’s found a good hiding place but Rosencrantz and Guildenstern find him right quick. Olly olly oxen free!
Hamlet calls them sponges, because they soak up the King’s orders, happy to do all he bids. It’s a metaphor he won’t let go and R and G have trouble discerning it. They want to know where Hamlet stowed Polonius’s body. He says he’s interned it in the dirt. So ok. Moving on.
Scene iii
Hamlet is dragged in before the King who demands to know where Polonius is. Hamlet says Polonius is at supper.
At supper? What befuddlement is this?
“Well,” Hamlet explains. “Polonius is not the one eating but rather, the one being eaten. By worms!”
Oh Hamlet. You and your witticisms. You’re too much!
At last, he tires of the game and tells that Polonius’ corpse is “up in the lobby.” OK. I’m not sure what room a lobby is in this world, though I’m pretty sure it’s basically just “a room in the castle.” Zing.
Hamlet leaves off for England. Because we can’t very well have a known murderer hanging around the house! Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, two-faced bros to the end, are to accompany him.
When all have exited, the King tells us (the audience) that once Hamlet arrives in England, he will be met with the sharp, quick hand of death! The king will send letters to his friends there and have it be done. Not very familial of him. But then again, he did kill his own brother. Precedent has been set and now it must be met!
Scene iv
A plain in Denmark. Woo hoo! We’re out of the castle! The fresh air will do us some good.
Enter Prince Fortinbras, a Captain of the Norwegian army, and soldiers marching.
Ugh. New characters. All right, Willy. Where we going with this?
These dudes be from Norway. Hamlet meets the captain upon the plain and asks what’s up. The Norwegian captain tells him they are just a small army looking to conquer a wee little parcel of land. Nothing to get your panties in a bunch about there, Hammy. We cool?
“Yeah,” Hammy says. “We cool.”
So the Captain heads off with his army thinking he’s just won the dang war. But the joke’s on him because there is no war. Not yet anyway. Hamlet has a lengthy soliloquy where he all but decides to instigate the hell out of Norway and Denmark.
O, from this time forth,
My thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth!
Is this where Hamlet decides to set the world afire? Or did that choice come much earlier? Or was it never a choice at all, but an inevitability stemming from his unparalleled madness?
I don’t think it matters. It’s just a great character case study. Perhaps the best ever. Here comes some more.
Scene v
A room in the castle.
Horatio announces Ophelia’s entrance by saying, “Look out, here she comes.”
When Ophelia enters the room, Queen Gertrude is immediately taken aback by her distant thoughts. That’s a nice way of putting it. Ophelia’s here singing a strange song. When asked questions, she gives only half, riddled answers. It is believed the poor girl has gone mad.
There seems to be a touch of that going around. “Being touched,” they used to call it. I wonder if that phrase was Shakespearean in origin?
Ophelia leaves without contributing much at all to the conversation. Claudius tells Horatio to watch over her in her grief. So he does.
Laertes (Polonius’ son/Ophelia’s brother) comes storming in to the castle with his own small faction. Outside the doors, Claudius can hear the chants of “Laertes is king! Laertes is king!”
“Hmm,” King Claudius ponders. “That can’t be good.”
Laertes bursts into the room (what kind of crappy defenses does Claudius even have?) and demands to collect his father’s body. Seems like a legit concern.
LAERTES
How came he dead? I’ll not be juggled with:
To hell, allegiance! vows, to the blackest devil!
Conscience and grace, to the profoundest pit!
I dare damnation. To this point I stand,
That both the worlds I give negligence,
Let come what comes; only I’ll be revenged
Most thoroughly for my father.
Thats some solid sonning, there Laertes. Good on ya’. Also a lot of that going around!
Claudius seizes a chance to manipulate Laertes to do his bidding. It won’t take much, just the truth. All he need do is tell the man that Hamlet killed his Pa and the revenge-fueled Laertes will tear Claudius’ nephew limb from…
Oh crap, here comes Ophelia again. Hold that thought.
OPHELIA
They bore him barefaced on the bier;
Hey non nonny, nonny, hey nonny
Hey sweet, fragile Ophelia, your crazy is showing.
Laertes spots it easily and worries his eyebrows into a horrified unibrow. Because you know what they say, “Any woman singing must be a loon!”
She exits and Laertes nearly has a stroke from worry for his sister. Claudius tells Laertes to follow him out. For the King will reveal all of what happened to Polonius. And Laertes will then know what to do.
I’m sure this will go over well.
Scene vi
A sailor brings Horatio some letters. They are from Hamlet!! He writes that he’s having fun at Camp Grenada except he is sad to report that Joe Spivey developed poison ivy.
HEY NOW!
Actually, what Hamlet has writ is even stranger. He’s told that pirates attacked his ship and he himself went and boarded theirs, thereby becoming their sole prisoner.
Pirates! What?! There’s a pirate ship in Hamlet? OK!
Horatio’s stunned as well. He practically trips over his disbelief (personified as his two left feet I guess) as he rushes to the King to deliver Hamlet’s letters.
Scene vii
We rejoin Snake Claudius and Laertes. It appears that while they were offstage, the king informed Laertes of his father’s murderer’s name. Laertes wants to know why the King didn’t bring the hammer down on Hamlet (oh, that was unintentional) whilst he had the chance. Why did he just send his father’s murderer away?
Laertes answers, “Well, it’s tricky cuz um, you see, he’s my wife’s kid and all. And I really don’t want to piss her off, you know? C’mon man, you know how it is. Plus everyone kinda loves Hamlet. If I were to have him killed, it’s likely the crowds would ignore my orders and turn their vengeful energies on me. So you see what I’m dealing with here, right? It ain’t easy being King.”
Laertes shrugs. For now. His rage still seethes.
A messenger pops in to deliver Hamlet’s letters because I guess Horatio had something better to do.
In Hamlet’s letter to the King, he just says that he is returning to meet with him. “See you soon, Claudio.”
The king is perplexed. What could this mean?
I mean… it’s not that hard to decipher, Guy. He’s coming back to kill you. Best make your peace with your God and all that.
Next up, Claudius and Laertes plot like hell. Laertes says he’s going to dip his sword in poison so that when he cuts Hamlet, he’ll die. Eh, ok. Seems like LITERAL OVERKILL to me but whatevs. To each his own.
Claudius says, “yeah that sounds good. But what if all that poison and slicing doesn’t work? I’ll have to poison Hamlet’s wine as well.”
Laertes figures Hamlet might be immune to all that and a bag of chips, so he suggests they also rig Hamlet’s chair to blow up when he sits on it. And redirect a meteor to crash into his skull.
Check that, let’s just mow him down with this tank we got on clearance last week.
Damnit, here comes Gertrude. All right now pipe down on our sinister mustache twirling so the wifey don’t get wind.
Oh shit. The queen has some real, sobering news to share.
QUEEN GERTRUDE
One woe doth tread upon another’s heel,
So fast they follow; your sister’s drown’d, Laertes.
All kidding aside, the character of Ophelia is probably the most underused in the history of storytelling. Who was she but some poor girl who got in the way of Hamlet’s psycho-tornado? She most certainly didn’t deserve to go out like that. I would have loved for Shakespeare to have developed her character more. Sigh. ‘Tis my one complaint in this otherwise perfect play. I guess it’s a rather large one.
Laertes is beside himself with grief and says that he has a speech prepared for this occasion (weird) but he is too distraught to deliver it. So he exits.
Claudius tells Gertrude he had just finished talking Laertes off the vengeance ledge (Liar!) but he now feels the boy will climb back on it.
Oh Act IV, you done us foul.
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